


We're gay, Karen~

by cactusboob



Series: Chat Fic Shit [3]
Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti)
Genre: Everyone Is Alive, F/M, M/M, Multi, plot wise i need you to forget about chaps 1 and 2, they're all dumbass homosexuals, tiktok references, vine references
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-16
Updated: 2020-09-12
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:55:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22275946
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cactusboob/pseuds/cactusboob
Summary: Stan created a group.Stan added 'lucilleballsdeepinyourmom','tinyragemachine', 'beaverly', 'farmboi', 'baby',and 'itsbillbitch'itsbillbitch: what the fuckbeaverly: y'know, i always that richie was going to be the one to so thisStan: *shrugs*
Relationships: Ben Hanscom/Beverly Marsh, Bill Denbrough/Mike Hanlon/Eddie Kaspbrak, Richie Tozier/Stanley Uris
Series: Chat Fic Shit [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1518152
Comments: 5
Kudos: 52





	1. Stan be like "i love you all but i have a weird way of showing it!"

**Author's Note:**

> yee another one of these!
> 
> (these being both a, the 1083 chat fic in the it fandom and b, another chat fic by me)
> 
> yay!

**farmboi:** but seriously stan? why are we here?

**Stan:** Because. Magic.

**lucilleballsdeepinyourmom:** magic is just his way of saying he loves and appreciates us

**Stan:** If by "us", you mean everyone else except for you then, yeah. Accurate, I guess.

**baby:** Aw, Stan!!

**lucilleballsdeepinyourmom:** why is it never loving richie tozier hour??

**tinyragemachine:** cuz you're goddamn annoying 

**lucilleballsdeepinyourmom:** that is slander! lies! i am the least annoyingest person to ever annoy in the history of annoying 

**tinyragemachine:** and, yet, you've proven my point.

**itsbillbitch:** after years of working it out, i have come to a conclusion 

**farmboi:** that you suck?

**lucilleballsdeepinyourmom:** what does he suck

**beaverly:** i feel like stan is trying really fucking hard to keep from saying "dis dick!"

**tinyragemachine:** i feel like he said it

**farmboi:** stan? comments?

**Stan:** Fuck y'all.

**beaverly:** y'all

**farmboi:** and i thought  _ i  _ was supposed to be the country ass motherfucker! turns out it's staniel!

**_farmboi_ ** **changed** **_Stan_ ** **'s user to** **_countryass motherfucker_ **

**countryass motherfucker:** Bitch. I said y'all, once!

**baby:** What was your conclusion, Bill?

**itsbillbitch:** oh shit yeah! i came to the conclusion that, i need a child 

**tinyragemachine:** why the fuck do you need a child

**beaverly:** let me guess! with a child you won't be so lonely!

**itsbillbitch:** no, bev. with a child, i could skip school!

**itsbillbitch:** history test wensday? oh shit sorry! my kid has a doctor's appointment 

**countryass motherfucker:** *Wednesday

**tinyragemachine:** grammar nazi

**itbillbitch:** henry the ho tries to beat me up," sir! i have a child. do stop, or I'll call the police"

**lucilleballsdeepinyourmom** : you sound like the "where's the manager lady"

**itsbillbitch:** off you will fuck

**farmboi:** we need a chat name 

**beaverly:** gays, bis, and pansexuals

**tinyragemachine:** i love it!

**_countryass motherfucker_ has changed the chat name to _gays, bis, and pansexuals_**

**countryass motherfucker:** It is… done!

  
  



	2. when you forget you already have an it chatfic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, i wrote this with the presence of mind of someone who had yet to write an it chat fic and that is why the usernames are different 
> 
> but, im pretty sure you can tell whose who

**i**

**!the flaming losers!**

**imtall!:** please, please, please tell me ~someone~ did the maths homework 

**beverlyclearly:** wait, we •had• maths homework? oh shit oh fuck

**imtall!:** what about you, stan?

**birdsarecool:** I, regrettably, did not do my homework.

**ekim:** tsk, tsk stan

**beverlyclearly:** like you should talk. you didn't no we had homework either, did you?

**ekim:** did ya hear that? i think the, pigs are calling

**imtall!:** ben? bill?

**babsy:** 0_0 hehehe i did my homework heheh

**notstephenking:** yes totally. absolutley yes. of course.

**imtall!:** oh come on! no one did their homework!?

**richiericardo:** am i fucking joke to you

**imtall!:** you did your homework?

**richiericardo:** no, but it would've been nice of you to ask me

**imtall!:** 🙄

**_imtall!_ ** **changed the chat name to** **_fuck detention, lets run away to new mexico_ **

**4:48 PM**

**richiericardo:** i can't believe mr fuckbutt gave us detention just because we didn't do his stupid uselss maths homework

**birdsarecool:** Useless? Richie, what's the square root of 9?

**richiericardo:** why are asking me about ▪︎teeth▪︎ staniel? we we just talking about maths!

**ekim:** richie, love, please tell me you're joking

**richiericardo:** i am, jeez. it's 3, right?

**beverlyclearly:** yes that is correct 

**imtall!:** y'know what really grinds my gears

**notstephenking:** oh no oh jeez what is it

**imtall!:** mr bitchybitch didn't even ~assign~ homework until like, after we got home. he fucking hoodwinked us

**notstephenking:** im very sure your using that saying wrong but all right

**beverlyclearly:** guy, has anyone taken a second to wonder why we haven't been caught with our phones yet?

**birdsarecool:** No, I haven't. Why?

**beverlyclearly:** beacause this is detention and you can't have your phones and normally mrs price would've caught on by no

**ekim:** dude! she's alseep! 

**notstephenking!:** holy fuck! lets make like a tree ans leaf

**birdsarecool:** Bill, buddy, no. Just, no.

**notstephenking:** understood 

**b and b**

**5:12 PM**

**abeveatbevworld:** i can't believe you got out of going to detention 

**benisontheblock:** my adorableness tends to get me out of very many things.

**abeveatbevworld:** wow. way to humble 

**benisontheblock:** oh, hahah

**benisontheblock:** y'know you guys are gonna have even more days of detention for leaving detention, right 

**abeveatbevworld:** i know that now

**chocolate vanilla swirl with sprinkles on top**

**5:14 PM**

**mikeylikesit:** hey, Google, how do you tell one friend that you have a crush on another friend 

**mikeylikesit:** oh shit oh fuck this isn't Google 

**eddiecullen:** um, excusee you? you like who now?

**mikeylikesit:** can't tell you, sorry

**eddiecullen:** and, why not?

**mikeylikesit:** i signed an affidavit..

**eddiecullen:** do you even know what and affidavit is?

**mikeylikesit:** what the fuck of coures i don't 

**jewish boys with curly hair**

**5:25 PM**

**rich.richie.richard.richardson:** nice legs, daisy dukes makes a man go QwQ that's the way they all come through 

**stan.staniel.stanley:** Richard! I thought we agreed this song was BANNED!

**rich.richie.richard.richardson:** but, ▪︎why▪︎ stanley? it's a cinematic masterpiece 

**stan.staniel.stanley:** Cinematic masterpiece? It's a song, Rich.

**fuck detention, lets run away to new mexico**

**5:27 PM**

**birdsarecool** : Apparently, Richie thinks the saying 'cinematic masterpiece' can apply to songs. 

**birdsarecool:** In related news, he thinks 3OH!3's song, Starstrukk, is a *cinematic masterpiece*

**beverlyclearly:** and what about it? starstrukk is a fucking bop, and if you don't agree with me, we can meet at the dumpster behind denny's 

**richiericardo:** finally, someone with some test

**imtall!:** bev, rich. you guys are no longer valid. stan, come join me in the others in the Valipool.

**beverlyclearly:** ur just jealous we have •way• better taste than you two Neanderthals 

**birdsarecool:** I most definitely am not!

**wont you hurry down the chimney tonigt?**

**(welcome to t-t-t-target)**

**6:01 PM**

**legitimatelyillegitimate✔:** draco malfoy fanvids really do be making me cry

**yiggitydiggitygiggity✔:** bill, what?

**legitimatelyillegitimate✔:** like, my poor child he wanted to do good but he couldn't because of his family so then he turned into an evil rat AND, ON TOP OF THAT

**legitimatelyillegitimate✔:** he's closeted! 🚫🏳️‍🌈

**yiggitydiggitygiggity✔:** since when is draco malfoy closeted?

**legitimatelyillegitimate✔:** mike, you poor dumb man, he -obviously- had the hots for harry

**yiggitydiggitygiggity✔:** riiiiight

**legitimatelyillegitimate✔:** waut, are -actually- not a drary shipper

**yiggitydiggitygiggity✔:** eh. i like ron/harry better

**legitimatelyillegitimate✔:** oh. understable have a good day 


	3. being human uk is good watch it right now or mike will use his farm boi hands to beat you up ( no he wont and uh, no pressure on watching being human or anyhting) but, like it IS rather rad sooo..... this title is long, anyway, the chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Richie is horny for Werewolf Dick (tm) and the Ghost Bussy (tm). Beverly is just riding the motions. Stan is secretly a kinky piece of shit. Mike will apparently commit eye-death for Richie.

**Horny On Maine**

**richward:** is it furryness if i wanna fuck george

**but, mom!:** who’s geaorge and why would it be furryness

**richward:** george from being human uk

**richward:** his earsare just so cute and he’s very sarcastic and prim-ish and adorable and he wears

**richward:** glasses and he’s quite witty and i just really wanna kiss him

**edwardcullen:** isn’t he the one that you said reminded you of stan? Or was that michael? 

**richward:** mitchell, actually… and maybe.

**but, mom!:** there’s a ghost to right?

**richward:** yeah, annie. but, bak to the point at hand, is it furryness if i want to fuck george?

**richward:** george is a werewolf, btw

**but, mom!:** yes.

**richward:** ok. Ok. what is it called when you are physically attracted to a ghost?   
  
**edwardcullen:** ghostism? I don’t know, ask stan

**Jew Crew**

**archie:** yes hi hello what do you call it when you wanna fuck a ghost

**archie:** stan?

**archie:** stanley!

**archie:** dude are you actually asleep right now?

**Jughead:** I was. You do realise that some people actually have sleep schedules, right?

**archie:** mhm so what is it called when you wanna fuck a ghost

**Jughead:** It’s four in the damn morning, Richard! Why are you asking me about ghost fuckery?

**archie:** because i can’t sleep and i decided to watch being human uk now please anawer me

**Jughead:** Why do you think I know, anyway?

**archie:** we all know you’re secretly super kinky, stanley you aint gotta lie

**Jughead:** ...And I’m going back to bed. Goodnight, Richard.

**archie:** night stan sleep well

**fuvking simps**

**georgestan:** hi yes is now an acceptable time to ask what it’s called when you are physically and sexually attracted to a ghost

**Stan!: “** Its” shouldn’t have an apostrophe.

**Denny’s:** yes??? lol i guess so

**firecrotch:** this shit again?   
  


**Mike Myers:** am i the only person who thinks what richie just said is kinda weird? 

**uwu:** i think it’s weird too

**Richiesbitch:** you fucktwit i fucking hate you!

**georgestan:** oh yeah i forgot i did that 

**_georgestan_ ** _ changed  _ **_Richiesbitch_ ** _ ’s username to  _ **_the great spaget_ **

**the great spaget:** not all the better but whatever

**georgestan:** back to the important thing at hand! Can i now talm about annie and george orrr??

**firecrotch:** sure whatever

**georgestan:** where do i even begin? oh my god, their accents! and, and his ears! and annie’s whole personalliyt? I would honestly without a doubt fuck them both

**Mike Myers:** i had to go through some weird shit to get this but spectrophilia is being attraected to ghosts

**georgestan:** oh michael, michael thank you so much!11!!

**georgestan:** have i ever told you youre my favourite?

**Stan!:** Can I get a link or something for that ‘weird shit’?

**Mike Myers:** [https://www.thecut.com/2014/08/everything-you-need-to-know-about-ghost-sex.html](https://www.thecut.com/2014/08/everything-you-need-to-know-about-ghost-sex.html)

**Denny’s:** kinky!stan back at it again

  
**Stan!:** Shut up, you heathen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was watching being human while writing this and I also ~love~ nina and that guy (that one who smoked cigarettes and was annies friend in s1 or 2? helped her ~almost~ cross over?), he was cool, beyond a quantifiable amount


	4. to be a phannie or not to be, that is the question

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> bev wants to fuck skips and mordecai 
> 
> richie is actually rather tame
> 
> stan and eddie are *******'s
> 
> bill has a crush on people 
> 
> ben is actually a savage

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have decided to make this into a plot thing so disregard chapters 1-2, plotwise

**fuvking simps**

**firecrotch:** so im starting to understand you, richard

**georgestan:** wiat what? abut what

**firecrotch:** about your whole thing with george

**georgestan:** how?

**firecrotch:** i would actually and literally die for mordecai and skips from regular show

**firecrotch:** i just really want skips to beat this bussy UP

**Mike Myers:** ew. just- ew.

**firecrotch:** stop kinkshaming me!

**Mike Myers:** kink shaming is my kink

**Denny's:** *overly dramatic gasp*

**Stan!:** Why on Earth are you people texting during school?

**Mike Myers:** why are *you* texting during school

**Stan!:** That's not important right now.

**firecrotch:** well, you see, i was watching regular show on my phone during ms. gary's class

**Stan!:** You were watching TV during class!?

**firecrotch:** yes, anyway, basically im now a huge fucking simp for mordecai and skips.

**firecrotch:** does a sexual attraction to a yeti and bird count as furryness

**Denny's:** stan?

**Stan!:** Why does everyone think I'm kinky?!

**the great spaget:** because i told them about that one time i saw your browsing history 

**Stan!:** Oh, my God! For the last time, Edward, it was a show!

**the great spaget:** whatever you say, stanley. whatever you say

**uwu:** hi .. i hate to ruin the conversation but could you all stop texting 👉🏻👈🏻🥺? you're blowing up my phone 

**georgestan:** shit, yeah sorry ben

**uwu:** is good😁

**Horny On Maine**

**richward:** tell me more about your attraction to mordecai and skips

**but, mom!:** yes! okay, mordy is just so cute and awkward and geeky and i just love him a lot and skips is so fucking hot and ripped and holly schmidt skips just fucking end this bussy already like damn 

**richward:** uh huh. and how do you feel about Margaret?

**but, mom!:** i would wine & dine her so fuxking fast, you have no idea richard! no idea!

**edwardcullen:** what is it called when you wanna fuck a gumball machine

**richward:** ohmyfuckinggpotassium you have a thing for BENSON

**but, mom!:** im sorry i would like to be jared, 19

**edwardcullen:** ok, wild choice i know but, hear. me. out!

**edwardcullen:** he's so clucking authoritative and bossy and hot and demanding 

**richward:** keep your kinks out of the chat please 

**edwardcullen:** your one to talks

**but, mom!:** yeah, richie! youre like, the shit telling the dead body it stinks

**richward:** whatever 

**billiam dollar mikey**

**billiam:** hi

**mikey:** what dk you want

**billiam:** dam so aggressive 

**mikey:** sorry. *sweetly and kindly* what do want

**billiam:** i kinda wanna expose eddie.

**mikey:** ??? wut???

**billiam:** remember? eddie's a ph-ph-pha

**mikey:** ??

**mikey:** !!oh right!! fuck yeah lets go expose eddie!

**billiam:** hell yeah

**Jew Crew**

**archie:** hi i came up with better usernames.

**Jughead:** Ok.

**_archie_ ** **changed their username to** **_joeeyy_ **

**_joeeyy_** **changed** ** _Jughead'_** **s** **name to** ** _Chandler_**

**joeeyy:** k bye! 

**fuvking simps**

**Denny's:** guys, me and mike have a few words to say..

**firecrotch:** y'all are finally dating?

**Mike Myers:** what? no, our few words are about eddie

**firecrotch:** y'all and eddie are finally dating

**the great spaget:** me? what for?

**Denny's:** you know what for *double eyebrow raise* 

**the great spaget:** wot

**Mike Myers:** >•< what does that look like edward

**uwu:** kinda looks like cat whiskers to me.

**the great spaget:** oh god oh fuck shut up shut up! do not type another word not another word i swaer for guod i will ernd your lief william i swear to god do not fucke with me yours to michael i swear i ssears

**georgestan:** you sears

**uwu:** lol

**Stan!:** What's going on here?

**Denny's:** me n mike aee exposing eddie

**georgestan:** what do they have on you, eds

**the great spaget:** none of your business 

**the great spaget:** and don't call me that, you processed ass cheese

**firecrotch:** ew that sounds gross

**Stan!:** I leabe for five minutes and you guys start name-calling and exposing. 

**uwu:** leabe

**Stan!:** *leave

**Denny's:** on oct 19, 2019, me and mike went to go visit eddie

**Mike Myers:** it was a suprise visit

**Denny's:** so, we walk in his room, y'know

**Mike Myers:** and when we see him, he has cat whiskers drawn on hia face which, is relatively normal

**Denny's:** but, in the background, we hear british voices 

**Mike Myers:** eddie doesn't watch sex education, bad education, sherlock, or dr. who soo

**Denny's:** we keep trying ro look behind him, at his laptop

**Mike Myers:** and the we see IT.

**uwu:** it?

**Denny's:** well, them really

**firecrotch:** who were they?

**georgestan:** yeah, who were they?

**Stan!:** I hate to admit but, I am rather intrigued now.

**Denny's:** they were..

**Mike Myers:** daniel howell &

**Denny's:** phil lester!

**georgestan:** wait. eddie is a phannie? wow

**the great spaget:** ahut up suut up sfut up

**uwu:** wow, you wrote it three times and you still didn't get it right

**Denny's:** ooohhh ben gets of on a good one

**uwu:** thank you 🤗.

**Stan!:** You're not alone, Eddie.

**firecrotch:** um, im sorry but stanley uris our stanley uris mr. i hate british people and everything about them is a phannie?

**georgestan:** holy shit

**b²=gay**

**homosexual:** hi yes can you stop making jokes about me, mike and eddie?

**homosexual:** i don't want them to start thinking i actually like them 

**bisexual:** oh, sure. i'll stop...

**homosexual:** thank yiu

**bisexual:** when you tell them

**homosexual:** im nevrr gonna tell them. im just going to die old and alone

**bisexual:** i really do not understand you

**homosexual:** thank you

**fuvking simps**

**_georgestan_ ** **changed** **_the great spaget_ ** **'s username to** **_phannieboy420_ **

**_georgestan_ ** **changed** **_Stan!_ ** **'s username to** **_phanniestannie_ **

**phanniestannie:** Fuck you.

**phannieboy420:** i really hate you right now richard


	5. democracy, my dear watson

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this actually based on a true story... 
> 
> My, i know you're lurking! relinquish your power or face my wrath!

**phanniestannie:** I just don’t think it’s fair that Richie has username control in the GC…

**georgestan:** why must you try and dethrone me from my position of power stanley? I am invincible!

**Mike Myers:** it really isn't tho, since richie is the _only_ one who can

**phannieboy420:** exactly!

**firecrotch:** yeah, i kinda wanna change my user but certain assholes wont let me..

**georgestan:** hey! i resent that!

**firecrotch:** and i care because, richard?

**Denny's:** then, it's settled. richie, you shall relinquish your power to another

**georgestan:** aw, man

**uwu:** lemme get this out before everything dissolves into anarchy and chaos

**uwu:** this is how we'll decide on who will replace richie- we vote on who we want. 👏no voting for yourself!👏

**uwu:** and this person will have exactly four weeks of power

**uwu:** thank you 😁

**firecrotch:** woow, ben. that was crazy sensible

**phannieboy420:** yeah, that was like, monica levels of sensible 

**uwu:** heh, well. i try.

**Mike Myers:** shall we vote now?

**georgestan:** no we should not!

**phanniestannie:** Yes, we should.

**Jew Crew**

**joeeyy:** who're you voting for?

**Chandler:** I'm not telling you, Richie.

**joeeyy:** pleease? i'll be your bestfwend

**Chandler:** You already are, Richie.

**joeeyy:** aww, stan. im your bestfriend? so sweet

**joeeyy** : what if i.. wink wink, nudge nudge. then you'll both tell me AND vote for me

**Chandler:** I'm gonna stop responding now, Richie.

**joeeyy:** but, stan! 

**joeeyy:** staaaaannnnnnn

**joeeyy:** fine then. ignore me if you please

**joeeyy:** it don't make me no never mind.

**joeeyy:** no, but, for rizzie who are u voting for

**b²=gay**

**bisexual:** hey, i thought i'd tell you i was voting for you

**homosexual:** that's nice but im probably going to end up voting for eddie or mike

**homosexual:** so i won't be doing a vote for vote

**bisexual:** i see how it is, voting for your boyfriends instead of your bestfriend. tsk, tsk, tsk

**homosexual:** oh, shush. you weren't voting for me anyway, were you?

**bisexual:** no comment

**billiam dollar mikey**

**mikey:** i think im gonna vote for ben, since the whole voting thing was his idea. what about you?

**billiam:** idek. i was thinking like, you or eddie but ben is a really doog candidate, actually. 

**mikey:** yeah because he'd totally be nice enough to lets us change our users and shit, unlike richard

**billiam:** so, we're voting ben?

**mikey:** yeah, mos def

**Horny on Maine**

**richward:** i feel like, personaly betrayed, y'know.

**but, mom!:** ??

**richward:** you two are supposed to be my antarog. 

**richward:** entorage

**edwardcullen:** entourage, richard. and since when?

**richward:** since forever, eddie! for-EVER!

**edwardcullen:** uh huh. so neways, who're you voting for bev?

**but, mom!:** ben, methinks

**edwardcullen:** mm. i'm kinda flip-flopping between stan and ben, meself

**richward:** hello, im still here

**but, mom!:** right? because like, stan would be v v v professional about it but he probably wouldn't let us change our users much

**edwardcullen:** exactly! and ben totally would!

**richward:** seriously? man, im gonna go play some minecraft 

**but, mom!:** have fun!

**edwardcullen:** please don't go into the nether/end

**richward:** yeah, yeah

**the exceptionally cool ones**

**Hanscom:** everyone keeps saying they're either voting for me or you 

**Uris:** Really? 

**Hanscom:** ye because I'd be nice about it while you'd be professional about it

**Uris:** Who are you voting for?

**Hanscom:** Beverly. 

**Uris:** Me, too.

**fuvking simps**

**Denny's:** tye ballots r n!

**georgestan:** who won? who won?

**Denny's:** drum roll, pls…

**phannieboy420:** *drum roll*

**uwu:** 🥁🥁🥁

**Denny's:** thank ya kindly 

**Denny's:** the winner is…. Ben Hanscom, with three votes in his favour

**Denny's:** Stan and Bev tied with two votes

**uwu:** ah, sweet! i won! 🤗🤩

**georgestan:** congrats, ben! but, be careful! for, with great power, comes great responsibility 

  
**Stan!:** Shut up, Tozier

**Author's Note:**

> i just really, really love stanley uris
> 
> he is my son and i love him
> 
> (this was really sucky.. please be nice)


End file.
